If you are dead, You should have gone to the doctor

My wife is 9 months pregnant, and she had a rough weekend, her stomach has been hurting her, and she had odd irregular contractions.  So she got online to look up some information about false labor.  One of the sites had a caveat to the effect “True labor ends with childbirth.  Therefore once you have had your baby you can be sure that you were in true labor.”

 Using the same logic, here’s how to know when to seek emergency care.

• If you bleed to death, the cut needs stitches
• If a broken bone heals crooked, you should go in and have it set.
• If you heart stops beating, the pain in your chest was a heart attack.

Just in case you were wondering.

Virginia Tech Shooting

I know that it’s old news now, but I keep thinking about the Virginia tech shooting.  Every time something like this happens there is a lot of clamor about what we should do, and one of the loudest cries is that we need more/better gun control laws.  I have always thought that is a fallacious stand, and I think this shooting confirms that.

 The thing that really upsets me is that Cho Seung-Hui wasn’t well armed.  The 9mm Glock is a formidable gun, but his other gun was a 22 pistol–a pea shooter.  In columbine, the attackers had shotguns, rifles, pistols, and bags full of bombs.  In the recent Trolley square shooting the gunman had a 12 gauge shotgun. 

 The problem is that with all of the recent gun laws, Cho knew that he would be the only person there with a weapon.  There was no one to stop him.  One commentator was talking about when/why he committed suicide.  According to them, he was always planning on killing himself–as a control thing.  The timing was decided, not because he was satiated, but because the cops got there.  Someone arrived who could challenge him. 

At first glance, gun control laws seem like they would be the solution.  But when you think about it more, you realize that GUN LAWS DON’T STOP GUN CRIMES.  They punish them.  If someone is willing to kill, they don’t care what laws they break.  Especially people like Cho Seung-Hui, they have nothing to fear, fines, imprisonment, death sentence, they all mean nothing…Cho wasn’t planning on living out the day.

People like that will always exist, so we can’t stop it from happening.  If we destroyed every gun on the planet, they would make their own guns or use explosives.  All we can do is deter them, or stop them quickly in the act.

So the solution is to have more guns in school.  I think every public educator should have mandatory gun handling classes.  And I think that schools should pay for teachers to get concealed weapons permits if they are interested. 

In a crisis like that, we need the teachers be in control of themselves, so that they can help the students.  If they had some gun training, they would at the very least have some familiarity, and have an idea of the capabilities and weaknesses of guns.  The would have an idea of how long it takes to reload a gun, how far a shotgun is effective, or the likelihood of hitting anything with a Walther p22 beyond a few hundred feet.

These kinds of crimes are meticulously planned, strategized, and executed.  They prey on fear and dominance.  If I were planning an attack, and I knew that there were armed security guards, that the vice principle had a gun, and there were a couple of dare cops in the building, that would seriously limit the options I had.  If two additional teachers had concealed weapons, there wouldn’t be much I could do without being ‘challenged’.  (obviously this is related to a high school/middle school setting–a college campus would be on a larger scale)  I think in most cases it would not be worth it.  If it was, within seconds of a shooting there would be someone there to try to stop it.

I think it is horrifying that an entire university can be held at bay with a 22 pistol.  If we make it harder for our would-be protectors to be armed.  We will only empower the next shooter with more time, less resistance, and more fear to feed on.

Life is not random

I don’t care what they tell you.  Life is not random. 

Life bunches up on you.   It will come at you in patches and bursts.  You’ll spring for pizza on a thursday night, then someone will bring pizza to work on Friday, and you’ll visit your parents on Saturday, who will offer you some pizza.

Next, a three week pizza drought.

When was the last time you had alternating good and bad days?  –doesn’t happen.  You have a few good days, then a rut that lasts a week.

Why do you think they call it a lucky streak?  If it was totally random, everyone would win and lose equally.  (at least with games of chance)

Update on Why Girls can’t date.

Related to my insightful dating advice…I think Jonathan proves the phenomenon in his blog.  He is apparently invisible.  (If anyone thinks that he is a category one,  they’re wrong.  But he probably wouldn’t fit category two.)  Girls literally look right past him.  Even when he makes an effort. 

Then note the first comment.  If I had to guess, I’d say the commenter was a category two’er.  (lucky guy, he probably gets all the girls)  The difference is just a nuance, but it is there.  Same intentions, just a little different in…agressiveness.

 Now I don’t know if the category differences are peronality things, or if the category one guys are the only ones who have it figured out. 

Why Girls Can’t Date

A while ago a couple of my sisters-in-law were talking about dating.   Of course, since they are still single, and their age starts with a 2, we all want to help them get married before its too late. Well I am not an expert, in fact I was never very good at dating, but I am sort of a people watcher, and I’ve noticed a few things about guys and girlsIn high school, I had a lot of girl-friends. I dated a few, but most of them were plutonic friendships, so I was privy to a lot of the girl side of the relationship chatter.  It was interesting.

I noticed then, (and have since confirmed with friends in college etc.) that girls have reverse-selective eyesight.  They don’t see the guys they want to date.   

In any given group of guys, there will be something close to this kind of breakdown. 

About 10-15 percent of the population is not datable.  Pick your favorite derogatory label.  They might have emotional issues, social deficiencies, obsessions, backwards ideas, etc.  They range from the awkward to the creepy.  Girls do (and probably should) recognize and stay away from them.  (At least in relationships)

There will be another 25 percent that I call “high profile” these are the flirts, not necessarily abnormally good looking, extra smart, or in any other way more desirable, except that they are more noticeable.  They are louder usually, more outgoing, or more skilled at the “dating game.”  Girls will become systematically infatuated with this category, they will single one out then vie for his attentions.  They will usually win him for a time, but will soon be pushed out by another competitor, and will be heartbroken to some degree.  This is the weird category.  Girls will both love and hate these guys.  They will become fiercely competitive, damage healthy friendships, and play all kinds of games to get attention, be noticed, or maintain control of this slippery minority.  Occasionally a relationship takes, and they get married and live happily ever after.  Unfortunately most of the time, since essentially every other girl is interested in the same guy, they will lose their grip and their man.  They lose the game, and detestedly label the guys “players.”

There is a majority however that remains invisible to most girls.  I don’t entirely understand why.   These are actually the good ones.  They are the responsible, serious kinds of guys, with good personalities, and the least baggage.  They are not trying to prove anything, but are usually confident and comfortable with who they are.  They are what the girls say that they want.

As a guy, I always knew when one of my female friends was getting involved with a “player.”  I never did anything about it.  I thought it was the conquest they were after.  Eventually when they broke up, I always thought it was odd that the girl seemed so surprised.  I wondered, “if you wanted a real, long term relationship, why did you go for him?”

I have a lot of theories as to what actually goes into the psychology of all this, but I think I’ll save that for another time…I do have a suggestion for all those that are still in the fray.

Find an apartment of four to six guys that you know as a group, maybe from your complex, or who you have casual social interaction with.  Take the fist two (or three) that you know individually, and completely eliminate them from the selection.  If you already know who they are, they are probably in category one (weird and avoidable) or two (high profile players)  Then from the others, make an effort to get to know them.  I am guessing that you will be pleasantly surprised at the selection.    If you don’t find “the one” move on to another group of guys, and do the same thing. Now they might not be quite as outgoing, so you might need to put a little more in, but you will get a lot more out.

Funny, but the guys girls are looking for, are the ones they’ve been looking right past.
 

Violent Video Games Contd.

 

I like a particular type of game…I like games to be more of an interactive movie. 

I like to get lost in the environment, in the world of the game, like you can with a good book or a (rare) exceptional movie.  And I come “back” with a better outlook on life. 

I get fed up with the people who fly past me on the freeway and squeeze between me and another car without signaling.  I get frustrated when I am accused of not helping my customers, then as a customer, don’t get a fraction of the service we give.  I get riled up when I see the media portray their biases and agendas as news, and I get tired of competing in school with kids who have nothing better to do than to study for some unholy amount of time.

Now I know none of these things are really worth getting angry about, but blowing up aliens, or driving in a digital demolition derby seems to dissolve the urge. I don’t wish I could shoot anyone in real life, nor do I imagine the red Jetta with the punk on the cell phone when I smash a car into a million 1s and 0s.  It’s all very abstract. 

I think the escape is the relief

I know it’s possible that violent games aren’t good for me.  My mom struggled while raising 4 boys to try to decide what games were appropriate (My dad just hated them all together—till he got hooked on Cabelas Deer Hunt that is).  For a while my mom was really restrictive on what she wanted us to play, and we were really upset at first.  We thought our games were fine.  I remember explaining why we chose the games that we played, and what we avoided.  I’m not sure if that changed her mind, or how much that affected her, but she let us make our own decisions.

Having said that, I want to emphasize that there are many games that I will not play as a matter of principle.  Some games I think are enjoyable but have offensive subject matter, others I think the entire premise is wrong.   And I think that any more than “a little” video games is way too much. 

Of course everyone has their own definitions of what is offensive and how much, is too much. (And that is as it should be)

I think a lot about being a parent, so this is how I want to approach the subject with my children.  I think we should be part of their lives.  I think we should know what our kids are playing.  Not that we need to check up on them or intrude on their privacy, but we should find out what interests them.  “So what do you do in this game?”  Listen to the response, the strategy they have developed, and what they like and dislike about the game.  If there is a problem, address it.  For example if my child at 10 years old said “Well I’m supposed to strangle a street girl, but if I have to cap her client first, then I lose the clean job bonus” –I’d be a little concerned.  And I would probably see if they could pause the game while we evaluated the lessons that this game was teaching. 

Seriously though, help children set the criteria for what games they buy or play.  Make sure it is based mostly on their criteria, even if it’s hard for you.  My mom, bless her heart, would try to be as accepting as she could.  The music in racing games drove her crazy, she let us play, but would ask that we turned it down.  There was a snowboarding game we had, that the character bled if he landed on his head—that made her physically ill  (queasy, gag reflex etc.) but she tried to appreciate the moves, and we tried hard not to land on our heads. She even tried to play some of the games with us (she said it was like having a disobedient child—she told the character to do one thing, but they did whatever they wanted to)  I think we were more sensitive to the content of games, and it meant a lot to us that she tried, and I’m sure it meant a lot to her to know what we were in to.  I want to have that kind of an approach with my kids.

Violent Video Games

I’m not a gamer.  I enjoy video games, and I’ve spent quite a bit of time playing them, but I could probably count on one hand the games that I’ve played through to the end, and I don’t play regularly.  I play everything on “easy” (which would mortify some of my gamer friends), and I will often bore of a game in less than an hour.

 

But let me tell you something about video games…

 

They make me nicer.

 

I usually handle stress pretty well, but with work, school, a family, (and I seem to always be sick lately) it can build up.  And I can get a little ornery—not so much ornery, but less patient with people, more critical, and more opinionated.  I’m sure that there are a lot of things I could do to relieve the stress, but xbox is one of them.

 

I first noticed it about a year ago.  I took my x-box with me on the holiday vacation to play with my family.  The next two or three months were really busy, and I hadn’t even unpacked the console.   One day I had some free time, and wanted to play for a while.  (I think we had been talking about a game at work)  I pulled it all out, and spent maybe an hour or two playing that night.  The next day I was driving and realized that I felt good, I was relaxed, some of the tension in my neck and scalp were gone (I lose hair when I get stressed) and I was spontaneously smiling.  I tried to think what was different that day, and the thing that popped into my head was the video game.  I’ve tried to pay attention since, and when I play more often, stress doesn’t build up as much.  When stress does build up, playing will help release it.

 

Now, don’t try to read too much into this.  I know that it all really is just a waste of time, there are lots of better things I could be doing, and there could be a million reasons why it works.  Maybe it is just because I enjoy games, and any diversion is a stress release.  Maybe a lot of things.  I know there are a lot of studies, and a lot more talk, that try to correlate violent media to violence in people.  And I’m not necessarily trying to prove or disprove anything.  I am simply stating my experience.