A while ago a couple of my sisters-in-law were talking about dating. Of course, since they are still single, and their age starts with a 2, we all want to help them get married before its too late. Well I am not an expert, in fact I was never very good at dating, but I am sort of a people watcher, and I’ve noticed a few things about guys and girlsIn high school, I had a lot of girl-friends. I dated a few, but most of them were plutonic friendships, so I was privy to a lot of the girl side of the relationship chatter. It was interesting.
I noticed then, (and have since confirmed with friends in college etc.) that girls have reverse-selective eyesight. They don’t see the guys they want to date.
In any given group of guys, there will be something close to this kind of breakdown.
About 10-15 percent of the population is not datable. Pick your favorite derogatory label. They might have emotional issues, social deficiencies, obsessions, backwards ideas, etc. They range from the awkward to the creepy. Girls do (and probably should) recognize and stay away from them. (At least in relationships)
There will be another 25 percent that I call “high profile” these are the flirts, not necessarily abnormally good looking, extra smart, or in any other way more desirable, except that they are more noticeable. They are louder usually, more outgoing, or more skilled at the “dating game.” Girls will become systematically infatuated with this category, they will single one out then vie for his attentions. They will usually win him for a time, but will soon be pushed out by another competitor, and will be heartbroken to some degree. This is the weird category. Girls will both love and hate these guys. They will become fiercely competitive, damage healthy friendships, and play all kinds of games to get attention, be noticed, or maintain control of this slippery minority. Occasionally a relationship takes, and they get married and live happily ever after. Unfortunately most of the time, since essentially every other girl is interested in the same guy, they will lose their grip and their man. They lose the game, and detestedly label the guys “players.”
There is a majority however that remains invisible to most girls. I don’t entirely understand why. These are actually the good ones. They are the responsible, serious kinds of guys, with good personalities, and the least baggage. They are not trying to prove anything, but are usually confident and comfortable with who they are. They are what the girls say that they want.
As a guy, I always knew when one of my female friends was getting involved with a “player.” I never did anything about it. I thought it was the conquest they were after. Eventually when they broke up, I always thought it was odd that the girl seemed so surprised. I wondered, “if you wanted a real, long term relationship, why did you go for him?”
I have a lot of theories as to what actually goes into the psychology of all this, but I think I’ll save that for another time…I do have a suggestion for all those that are still in the fray.
Find an apartment of four to six guys that you know as a group, maybe from your complex, or who you have casual social interaction with. Take the fist two (or three) that you know individually, and completely eliminate them from the selection. If you already know who they are, they are probably in category one (weird and avoidable) or two (high profile players) Then from the others, make an effort to get to know them. I am guessing that you will be pleasantly surprised at the selection. If you don’t find “the one” move on to another group of guys, and do the same thing. Now they might not be quite as outgoing, so you might need to put a little more in, but you will get a lot more out.
Funny, but the guys girls are looking for, are the ones they’ve been looking right past.
